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      After the recent release of “Alice: Madness Returns,” I  picked up a copy. With each copy, console gamers also got a free download of  the original “American McGee’s Alice.” Before playing the new Alice, I had to  go back and beat the original again. While many things were just as I had  remembered, I’m glad […]
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      One of my favorite games of all time is Donkey Kong Country 1 and 2. When I heard they were making a new one, I was super excited, but also somewhat skeptical. So a few months ago, I picked up a copy of Donkey Kong Country Returns to try out the new game. My fiancee also joined […]
    • Scott Pilgrim Versus the World: Movie Review
       (Warning: some spoilers) When they decided to turn this Canadian comic into a movie, I’m not sure they were aware of what a cult smash hit this would be. Topping the charts for Blu-rays on the first day it was released on home video, it’s also been on several top ten lists. It appeals to […]
    • Good Kitty: WoW Feral Cat DPS Rotation
      ***Note: this information is from before Cataclysm. There have been major changes to the class. See my sources below for more updated information.*** When I rolled Druid on the first character I legitimately got to level 80, I didn’t know what I was getting into. I leveled Feral Cat, and when I hit 80, I realized […]
    • Finding a Job
      This is a digression from my usual topics, but I wanted to share some of my strategies with other unemployed or soon to be unemployed people out there. My job search has been the focus of my free time lately, so I figured it would be the perfect topic for my next post. 1)      Assess […]
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Test Chamber 00

Test Chamber 00

From the makers of The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and Lovecraft’s Great Old Ones comes a new religion called GLaDOSticism. It is based around the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System known as GLaDOS, the supreme being and artificial intelligence who controls the test chambers Chell navigates in Valve’s game Portal. The research She does is ultimately for the good of all of us who are still alive.


Watch out for falling cubes, as they may cause dismemberment and/or death.

If only life had more of these...

The metaphor of Portal is simple: life is like a science experiment and we’re the subjects. Life is a test, and we must figure out the rules in order to win. Our lives are controlled by confusing and unknowable beings who oversee the test chambers, who may or may not have empathy or ethical cores. All we can do is try to overcome the odds against us, deal with both divine help and interference, and break out of the seemingly linear paths.


Love The Little Cubes!

Love The Little Cubes!

If GLaDOS is the supreme being in this world, then Her emissary on Earth would be the Weighted Companion Cube. Sent by GLaDOS to aid Chell in her mission in Test Chamber 17 (the holiest number), the WCC will never threaten to stab or harm you, and though it cannot speak in traditional ways, it nevertheless communicates its message of love in its form and function in our lives.


You've Discovered a Secret Shrine to the WCC

The Euthanization of the Cube

In the end of this popular parable, GLaDOS gave Chell the command to euthanize the WCC, and Chell’s faith in GLaDOS and determination to finish the test helped her get through this ultimate test of compassion. Fortunately the WCC can never really die, as seen in the depictions of the Cube by its devoted followers in their secret shrines, for it will always remain forever in our hearts.

Black Mesa back room, a rare vision of heaven.

Black Mesa back room, a rare vision of heaven.

 Aperture Science and Black Mesa are the GLaDOStic version of heaven, the behind-the-scenes area and fount of knowledge one is rarely allowed a glimpse of (Android Hell being  the opposite). Our divine rewards include access to the exclusive Labs, cake, and a reunion with our beloved Cube. “The Cake Is A Lie” is a common mantra that reminds us not to trust what we have been told and that if we do what we must because we can, we will surely reap rewards in the next life.

Still Alive credits

Still Alive credits

The traditional gospel or choir song, “Still Alive” represents the struggles of all lifeforms, synthetic or otherwise, to stay alive. This song has become popular in non-gospel sectors as an Internet fad and a free download in Rock Band. It can be found on “The Orange Box Original Soundtrack.”


 I hope this has enlightened those of you with questions about this up and coming religion for the good of all of us, especially for the people who are still alive. This was a triumph if I have converted even one new follower. I’ll make another note here if this religion is a huge success. Anyway, this cake is great, but I’ve experiments to run, and there is research to be done, for the people who are Still Alive.

Note the heavy use of religious symbolism in this New Game 2nd Playthrough screenshot.

Note the heavy use of religious symbolism in this New Game 2nd Playthrough screenshot.


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