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Rant of the Day: Video Game Inspired Movies

Penny Arcade "I Wanna See STARS"

Penny Arcade "I Wanna See STARS"

Am I the only one who is tired of watching a commercial for an upcoming theater release of some hyped up action movie, and thinking ‘Oh wow, that looks kind of cool, I’d totally go see that,’ only to see the title of the movie is the same as a video game? The excitement turns to horror as yet another terrible video game spin off is unleashed.

Movies completely ruin it for fans and gamers alike. Very few video game movies are successful in any sense of the word; the best you can hope for is Snakes on a Plane-esque B-movie hilarity, or the least amount of butchering as possible of a prized childhood game.

Browsing the interwebs, I found a list of the top ten worst video game movies ever here. The big names are included, from House of the Dead to Tomb Raider, with some lesser known flicks like Wing Commander and Alone in the Dark, to the first and worst VG film, Super Mario Bros. The 90’s did a number on action/fighting and horror video games especially, lowering the prestige of the games just by association with the movie spin offs, but the catastrophes just keep on coming.

I am such a die-hard Resident Evil fan that I cannot even speak the names of the associated movies without a good deal of cringing and angry muttering under my breath. I have come up with numerous ways to denigrate those so-called “R.E.” films, some of which are too filthy to post. Crappy zombie movies abound; why did this one have to take the name of my favorite survival horror games and pretend it was somehow inspired by it?

My main issue with that series is that when they tried to incorporate elements from the game, they failed utterly, taking the worst parts of the game rather than the best, like babysitting middle schoolers (no one liked R.E. 2’s Sherry, why should they feel any better about Angie?). Most of the time the directors simply went off in a completely different direction, making some superhuman heroine beat up on insipid monsters, removing all of the suspense and atmosphere that is one of the hallmarks of the series.

If you want to make a mockery of video games, do it on your terms. Don’t give them the same name, because that implies that people who liked the games will like the movies. Call it a parody of the game, because that’s what it is. Look, I’ll even get them started: House of the Deceased, Super Crapio Bros, or Quiet Hill (hey, this new title also reflects how few monsters were featured in that movie). I for one am not going to support this VG-degrading marketing technique by never paying to see another VG movie again. Now who’s with me?